(Disclaimer: I make an effort to put a modicum of humor, snark and good natured self deprecation into most of my blog posts. I may not always be successful in this but still, I try.
This post however, is not intended to be humorous. I feel a need to tell my story as it happened. It will include details of my son's birth. It will also be longer than usual. If you are seeking some lighter reading, feel free to skip to my next post)
It has been a little while since I have written, and with good reason. My little Evan is now over two months old and has been occupying my time and attention since his arrival.
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| The last 'growing tummy' pic at 37 1/2 weeks. |
By Wednesday morning I was feeling anxious, knowing somehow that it wasn't going to be much longer. I had a dr. appointment that morning and knew that Rob was due to be home by about lunchtime. My regular dr. had been very busy so I saw the nurse practitioner. She was very personable and I knew she would be checking my cervix for dilation at this appointment. I mentioned jokingly that if she wanted to sweep my membranes while she was up there I wouldn't say no. I recall that she was surprised at how low the baby was, but I was dilated to a 2-3 so she did a membrane sweep and sent me to make an appointment for next week, though she mentioned that she didn't think I would make it another full week with as low as the baby was, and my current cervical dilation. After the appointment my mom and I went to Babies R Us to walk around some and see if that would trigger any contractions. Shortly after that Rob came home and we made a trip to Best Buy to upgrade our phones (something we had been planning to do for a few weeks, but had just reached our 'upgrade date') We came home with our new iPhone 5s's and proceeded to transfer info from our old phones to the new ones. I remember feeling the urgency to have my phone set up and ready to go quickly.
After my phone had all my data and apps transferred onto it, I decided I needed to walk some more to try and bring on some steady contractions. I had been having some off and on all day, but none were very strong and there was no discernible pattern yet. I put on some comfortable clothes and went to the park across the street with my mom and Allison. we walked the path for probably a half and hour to forty five minutes. I made a point to walk with purpose and as much speed as my constantly, sore hips would allow. After we finished my sister Jennifer arrived. She was planning on spending a couple of days with me and the other kids, and was hoping that I'd go into labor while she was there. We ate dinner, put Andy and Aubrey to bed and watched a movie. Rob had been up since early that morning so he fell asleep on the floor during the movie. I was conflicted about trying to go to bed myself since I wasn't sure I was in early labor or not. All day, since my dr. appointment, I had been having sporadic, moderate contractions, and had been spotting since my membranes had been swept. I was starting to feel like I was leaking just a tiny bit of fluid. By around 11:45 we made the decision to head to the hospital to see what was up. I was afraid of going to bed and waking up in transition, and having a baby in the car on the way to the hospital, since this was my third delivery and was likely to be shorter. (and I am prone to quick deliveries anyway)
I remember on the drive to the hospital not having any contractions at all, and thinking that maybe it was a bad idea and we should just turn around and go back home. I almost said something a couple of times in the car, but my curiosity and concern over the irregular contractions won out and we made it to the hospital with my sister and (almost) sister in law in tow. Mom had stayed home with the kids, since they were both in bed and we didn't want to wake them and take them to my in-laws house until we knew for sure that I was going to have the baby. Especially late at night.
We arrived at the hospital at about 12:30 and I walked in to the nurse's station very nervous, because I hadn't felt a contraction in nearly 45 minutes. Rob and I were taken into the triage room and I put on a gown and was hooked up to the monitors. I told her that the contractions were random and had no pattern but that I had my membranes swept that morning and I thought my water might be leaking. She was very friendly and checked my cervix which was dilated to a 4-5 at that point (which was encouraging to me since it WAS progress from that morning) and did a test with a swab to see if I was leaking amniotic fluid or just the normal discharge. during that time the monitor showed that I was in fact, having regular contractions. The nurse went out of the room for a minute and I started to get excited, because I was almost certain that I was in fact in labor. She came back and checked the test, which was showing positive for amniotic fluid, meaning I was about to be admitted for sure. She checked me again and said I had already progressed to a 6.
She went out again to get the admitting process going and, as though triggered by the news that we were about to be admitted, my contractions went from moderate and uncomfortable, to sharp and extremely painful. I felt a gush of fluid in conjunction with the contractions and felt certain that my membranes had ruptured further. All the sudden another nurse came rushing in and told me to move onto my left side because the baby was having heart decelerations. She put an oxygen mask on me and I told her about the fluid gushing with each contraction. She lifted the sheet to confirm this and gasped a little (not something you want to hear from your nurse at that point) and told me that it wasn't just fluid, but quite a bit of blood, and it concerned her (another thing I didn't want to hear) I remember her bringing a bath towel folded up and stuffed it up between my legs to keep from drenching my legs in blood. The contractions continued to get harder and sharper, and started happening one on top of another. I couldn't concentrate much during them and had less than a minute after one ended before another began. I was very scared by now and asked Rob to give me a priesthood blessing, which he did, quickly because I didn't have much time in between contractions.
Rob stayed beside me the entire time and held my hand during each one. The intensity was so extreme that grasping his hand during each wave of pain, became my lifeline. It was as though I would implode if I let go during the most excruciating of the pain. I lost track of time at this point and the nurses were in and out, inserting the i.v. and having me sign paperwork between contractions (NOT an easy feat!) The triage nurse introduced me to the nurse on call, who would be "my" nurse. She told me they thought the bleeding might indicate a placental abruption (the placenta was detaching from the wall of the uterus early) and she told me that my dr. was not on call and the 'on-call' dr. wanted to have me sign a consent for a C-section and to prep the O.R. in case the baby showed any further signs of distress. I remember she said, "We aren't saying that you will for sure have a c-section, but if something happens to the baby, it will happen fast, so we want it to be ready."
At this point I became very scared, but didn't have much time to dwell on the fear because the pain was only intensifying and coming faster and faster. Each pain seemed to build upon the last one, compounding the intensity so I never had a chance to adjust to it. They pushed the bed I was laying on into my room, because they didn't want to move me from my left side and distress the baby. I was quite okay with this because the thought of moving even to a wheelchair was more than I could handle. I began to worry that they might have to cut into me to get my baby out. Somehow though, I couldn't shake the feeling that, that wouldn't have to be the case. His heart rate was still good and I knew that these wretched contractions were making rapid changes to my cervix. It was like my body knew there was something not entirely right, and was working overtime to get my baby out as fast as it could on it's own.
Once I was in my room my sisters (who were not allowed in the triage room and had been in the waiting room) were brought in by Robert. My mom had been called when we had confirmed that we were being admitted and she had dropped my other kids off at Rob's dad's house and was on her way to the hospital. The doctor on call came in and checked me (8 centimeters) and I remember hearing vague discussion about a possible c-section and having the 'section cart' ready to go. My mom came in about then and I think Rob must have explained what was going on, because I don't remember being able to talk much, even between contractions at this point. The pain was so intense I was no longer able to endure each contraction silently, and found myself making low, guttural, groans with each wave of agonizing pain.
I heard the doctor say he wanted to make sure my bag of water was fully ruptured to help labor progress even faster (I also remember hearing the nurses mentioning how fast everything was going already). He took the amnio hook and ruptured the bag further. More fluid, but also more blood gushed, and then checked me again. (9 centimeters) I curled back onto my left side to brace for the next pain-wave and the doctor began talking about "going ahead and letting 'mom' push" Rob says he could tell that he was anxious to get the baby out. The bed was quickly transformed, the stirrups were pulled out and I somehow found the strength to move from my fetal curl, into a more appropriate birthing position. My feet in the stirrups, my body pulling itself into a more upright position, the doctor began stretching my perineum for pushing. I knew this was coming, but didn't anticipate it hurting quite so badly ( I was completely unmedicated ) I felt like he was forcefully, trying to rip me in half ( I asked about this afterwords and apparently it looked exactly as it felt, and well....ouch. ) This took a bit of the wind out of my sails, as it were, and my first push wasn't as strong as it could have been, though I did bring the head down so it was crowning. I pushed again, and he crowned and receded again. At this point the doctor mentioned something about "giving mom a little help with the vacuum extractor." I distinctly remember hearing this and my thoughts became very clear, No, that is not acceptable, or necessary. I looked the doctor directly in the eye and told him, "No. I've got this." He began to say, "well we are just going to help a little..." and the contraction built again and I bore down with every bit of strength I had, and some that I hadn't possessed until that moment, and I pushed and the pain overcame me and I cried out. I put so much into that last push that everything inside my head was muted but the task at hand: "pushing as though to move the earth itself" I heard someone say, "You're baby is HERE! He is HERE!!!" and I thought "Oh yes, my baby!" and at 2:52a.m. I looked down and sure enough, there was my tiny, little guy being placed on my stomach. I took a deep breath and gasped the first words to pop into my head, "Oh, my gosh that hurt SO bad!!" I reached down to pull my baby closer to me and was stopped because the umbilical cord hadn't been cut. They clamped and had Robert cut the cord, severing my first physical connection to my precious offspring, and I pulled him up to my chest so that I could hold him close.
Time had little meaning to me during the whole ordeal, but my nurse looking over the chart, said that the doctor was only in my room for 14 minutes before my baby was born, and that I a total of 3 minutes elapsed from the time the doctor started talking about "letting mom push".
This had been my fastest and most intense, painful labor and delivery, and yet I knew I would have done it all over again 20 times in a row for this little guy:
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| Evan Saul Attaya, born March 13, 2014 2:52 a.m. 7lbs. 3oz. 19in long |
I had been in "active labor" for just about two hours, my shortest labor and delivery yet. Once he was out and the cord clamped and cut, he was placed directly on my chest, skin to skin. we were both covered with a warm blanket and left alone for an hour and a half. This was the most amazing time. I was able to just relax and bathe in the endorphins and oxytocin rush with my little boy. It's the most amazing 'high' feeling, the first few moments with a new baby. I was sore, exhausted and completely worn down, but still felt better than I ever had.
Having my babies does that to me, and I am so glad.
