Across the Universe.

Okay so its really just across the country, but it FEELS like we moved across the universe! Three months of no blogging, but with good reason(s). Because there is so much to write about I will have to resort to sub-sections again. Sorry guys but I've got a lot to cover!

On Loss
  Robert drove up to Milwaukee Wisconsin to train for his new job at the end of June. I was prepared to kick myself into high gear and get my house cleaned and packed and ready to move. It wasn't going to be an easy task (particularly since I had barely adjusted from two to three kids) but I was up for it. I was off to a good start but was hit with a massive emotional blow on July 9th. I had spent a productive day packing most of the kids room and had time to make a good dinner for us all (we'd been eating a lot of leftovers and mac and cheese)  the evening news was on in the background and I was in the middle of getting Andy seconds when I received a series of text messages that changed everything. The Stays, a family in our ward, good friends of ours, had all been murdered with the exception of one survivor, a teenage girl that had been one of our favorite babysitters. The story was all over the local and national news. It was like being in a bad dream for the next days and weeks. Memorials, funerals, and fundraisers filled so much of our time. I could write a whole series of blogs about losing the Stays. The whole situation brings up hundreds of topics and talking points, and perhaps I will revisit the subject at a later time, but for now I will just say that I miss my friend Katie. I miss her sweet children that I had the privilege of working with in primary. I miss the family that were such pillars of good in the community.

I just miss my friends.

On Andy's birthday and a cute baby photo dump
After that bit of sadness I have to enhance the happiness of this post before it gets depressing.
 My awesome, adorable little firstborn turned six in July!

I am pretty sure this is the handsomest 6 year old
 in existence. 

It's kind of unfair that he is already so big , because I am pretty sure he was just my little baby and now he is my biggest boy and he is smart and kind and takes care of his little sister and baby brother and, and....okay I'll stop the weepy mom rant.
While Rob was gone for his new job training and it was just me and the kiddos I took a lot of cute pictures of them. Because me kids are the most beautiful of all children alive, I think its only fair that I share some of them with you. So:

You're Welcome.

On packing and preparing to move, single mom style
Moving in general is stressful enough. Add to the mix, a husband who is across the country,

*sniff*

 three small kids, one of them a baby who feels desolate after a half hour of not being held/nursed

though, to be fair
 REALLY happy when he is held.

and you reach a level of stress that makes for a good blog! I had lofty aspirations of writing about the frustration of finding good boxes, stocking up on packing tape, and using pinterest ideas to plan the whole move. Unfortunately, I'd spend my days trying to get a modicum of work done, and never as much as I wanted to, so I could never justify sitting at my computer to write, when I couldn't even manage to get as many boxes packed as I needed to, even as my house turned into something that looked like it should be featured on an episode of "Hoarders"

SOMEHOW I was able to do it. In the end it wasn't without quite a bit of help from some very lovely people, but it got done. We packed up the moving truck and got on our way!

On traveling across the country
And so, we bid our home in Texas farewell (for now) and made our way to Wisconsin!

We started with your classic "Stand in front of the
'welcome to the state' sign" picture and decided it was
a tad on the dangerous side....

So I just started taking pictures of the state signs.

Had to stop in Memphis to take a picture of the house I
grew up in.

HELLO WISCONSIN!

On moving in and getting settled in Greendale
So after two LONG days of driving, (and I am pretty sure there was a governor on the truck that slowed us down. That plus the time required at pt stops to feed kids and babies, make bathroom runs and change diapers as well as the necessary refueling, made the trip drag oooonnnnn.) We FINALLY pulled in to our new home in Greendale Wisconsin!

Greendale is seriously one of the cutest little towns you could ask for! Walking around this neighborhood is like stepping back in time. In fact, most of the homes were built in the 30's and 40's. The "newest" ones around don't look any more recent than the late 60's. All the homes are beautifully maintained and have perfectly manicured lawns and flowers EVERYWHERE!

A freaking  ROOSTER ,WEATHERVANE!

A statue in the town square of Norman Rockwell
painting the town square.

This house was BEGGING to have its picture taken! Isn't
it adorable??

The weather is awesome (thus far) and I have finally gotten the house unpacked and more or less put together!

Welcome to our little home!

A tiny kitchen, in which to eat.

More of the tiny kitchen.

Living room, from the kitchen.

Aubrey's room

Andy and Evan's room.

We have started exploring our new home which is a cute little suburb of Milwaukee Wisconsin and on labor day I got my first look at the beautiful lake Michigan!

I think we will be okay here for a while. But just in case you guys aren't sure, here is a picture I took of an honest to gosh, double rainbow I totally saw outside of my house yesterday!

"What does it MEAN?!?!"

Adventures in...

Well boys and girls, its once again, been a very long time since I have updated! Many things have happened, and are happening all at once and so I will once again (because I find myself doing this a lot) write a post in vignettes. I will be  covering many topics at once and *hope* that I will get back on track so I can stick to one topic per post several times a month, rather than my recent habit of several topics once every couple of months.

Here we go:

Adventures in: family expansion!
 A little over three months ago I had a baby! My labor and delivery was definitely an experience which you can read all about here if you are so inclined. Or I can sum it up in about two selfies:

Before.

After.

I got a new phone the afternoon before I had the baby and tested the camera with a selfie. I tested it again many hours, contractions, and blood loss later with another selfie....

Evan Saul Attaya was born at 2:52a.m. of  March 13, in all his 7lb 3oz glory.

There is definitely a learning curve to having three kids. I feel like I am adjusting to it alright. (Haha Haha....*collapses to the floor*)

I know I am lucky to have three beautiful, healthy children who are each awesome in their uniquenesses. Evan is a pretty rad addition to our already epic family unit though. He was this tiny little skinny thing when he was born, but that was a temporary condition. Apparently I am a champion breastfeeder, or I simply produce heavy cream, because my babies all tend to pack on the weight pretty quickly. 

All I care about is that he is happy and healthy. (Which sounds super selfless, but is in fact the opposite, because if he were unhappy and sick, my life would SUCK!)

You've gotta admit though, the chubby cheeks and legs are REALLY adorable!

Adventures in re-acclimation. (or getting back my pre-baby body)

So getting pregnant and having a baby, does a number on the female body, or at least it does to my body. My joints become all loose and painful. My legs feel like they are connected to my hips with rubber bands. my center of gravity shifts and turns my posture into complete garbage, and thats not even addressing the bodily trauma that is 'labor and delivery'.  So, when my six weeks of 'recovery ' was up, I was super anxious to get "back to normal" and start working out and running and fitting into my clothes again. 

Yeah.....still not quite fitting into those clothes yet. Did you know that you can't just leave three small kids home alone while you go get a good work out???

 When one has a husband who is a pilot, and is therefore gone for several days in a row each week, one cannot simply 'get into a good workout regiment' easily. 

I do of course go running as often as I can when he is home, and not busy with other things. Which isn't as often as I would prefer, but at least its SOMETHING. 

Also, running after having a baby is difficult, and sometimes painful because your body is readjusting to it's normal center of gravity and all that dang relaxin is still working itself out of your system.  So my pace had slowed significantly since last year when I was running five miles a day. I find myself getting better with each run, but its still frustrating working back up to my old pace, because it feels so slow. 

My hair has started falling out again too. I knew THAT was going to happen again also, but I wasn't looking forward to it. All that gorgeous, thick, shiny hair you get while pregnant, is a temporary thing. It all starts coming out about three months after the baby is born. The worst part is its EVERYWHERE! 

 I'd be the worst person to commit a crime just now because It'd be so obvious who perpetrated it once they saw the strands of my hair littering the scene! 

Really I'm just in awe of the fact that I'm not bald. 

I know my hair will stop falling out in handfuls soon (at least it has with each of my previous babies) and if I stay diligent with MyFitnessPal and keep working out when I can, I'll get my old body back eventually too. I'm just impatient.

Adventures in Adventure!

 So I made you all wait till the end of this post for the really juicy news. 

Our (not so) little family is embarking on one of the biggest adventures yet: We are moving to Wisconsin!

For the past three years, Robert has been flying for a company that inspects pipeline for oil companies. He does so in smaller planes. Well, we knew that he didn't want to fly the smaller aircraft forever, but there were many jobs he couldn't apply for until he had accrued more flight time. (a common catch 22 in the aviation industry is the need to have a job flying so as to get more flight hours, but not having enough flight hours to be hired)  He recently applied to a company that flies cargo and was called in for an interview, where they offered him the job right then and there! He will have the opportunity to fly bigger planes and get the hours in THEM that he needs. 

The catch, is that the job will necessitate our relocation to Wisconsin. Land of dairy farms, cheese, breweries, and ACTUAL winters. (living in Houston TX. we get 'fake' winters and too much summer)

I have to say we are anxious in all possible ways about this move, but overall very excited! We hope that it will act as a stepping stone towards the ultimate goal of flying the corporate jets back here in Houston. 

For me this means about two months of single parenthood. Rob leaves for training at the end of this month and will be training in Milwaukee for the entire month of July, and then will be sent to another city in Wisconsin (we won't know which, until he begins training) to start the job, and find us a place to live.  I will be down here cleaning, getting rid of stuff we don't need or use, and packing up the rest. All while taking care of my three kiddos and attempting to maintain my sanity.

I know that military wives will scoff at me, and this isn't as long as a typical deployment in the military, but it IS the longest we will have been away from each other since we were married. Even during the six months he was in flight school I would still see him once or twice a month or more. This will be two solid months apart, and I have to say, it makes me a little nervous. BUT I also know that being a real, live grown up person, I can do it!

(Also, if during this time anyone wants to come by and offer me adult conversation, or sedatives, or cookies.....I probably won't say no.)

Introducing: My Evan.

(Disclaimer: I make an effort to put a modicum of humor, snark and good natured self deprecation into most of my blog posts. I may not always be successful in this but still, I try.

 This post however, is not intended to be humorous. I feel a need to tell my story as it happened. It will include details of my son's birth. It will also be longer than usual. If you are seeking some lighter reading, feel free to skip to my next post)

It has been a little while since I have written, and with good reason. My little Evan is now over two months old and has been occupying my time and attention since his arrival. 

The last 'growing tummy' pic at 37 1/2 weeks.

My due date was March 27, but I somehow knew that I wouldn't make it that far. I have come to the conclusion that my babies are as impatient as I am with their 'due dates'.  March 10 was a monday and  began with Rob leaving on a trip that would have him gone for three days. The thought of me being home by myself with the kids so close to my due date, and with my history of going into labor early, made him nervous so we had my mother come over on monday to stay with me until he came home. We ended up with my sister in law Allison with us as well.  I had begun my evening primrose oil routine that had been a sure way to encourage my body into labor with my first two pregnancies, and I was counting on it to do its job with this one as well.

      By Wednesday morning I was feeling anxious, knowing somehow that it wasn't going to be much longer. I had a dr. appointment that morning and knew that Rob was due to be home by about lunchtime. My regular dr. had been very busy so I saw the nurse practitioner. She was very personable and I knew she would be checking my cervix for dilation at this appointment. I mentioned jokingly that if  she wanted to sweep my membranes while she was up there I wouldn't say no. I recall that she was surprised at how low the baby was, but I was dilated to a 2-3 so she did a membrane sweep and sent me to make an appointment for next week, though she mentioned that she didn't think I would make it another full week with as low as the baby was, and my current cervical dilation. After the appointment my mom and I went to Babies R Us to walk around some and see if that would trigger any contractions. Shortly after that Rob came home and we made a trip to Best Buy to upgrade our phones (something we had been planning to do for a few weeks, but had just reached our 'upgrade date') We came home with our new iPhone 5s's and proceeded to transfer info from our old phones to the new ones. I remember feeling the urgency to have my phone set up and ready to go quickly.

       After my phone had all my data and apps transferred onto it, I decided I needed to walk some more to try and bring on some steady contractions. I had been having some off and on all day, but none were very strong and there was no discernible pattern yet. I put on some comfortable clothes and went to the park across the street with my mom and Allison. we walked the path for probably a half and hour to forty five minutes. I made a point to walk with purpose and as much speed as my constantly, sore hips would allow. After we finished my sister Jennifer arrived. She was planning on spending a couple of days with me and the other kids, and was hoping that I'd go into labor while she was there. We ate dinner, put Andy and Aubrey to bed and watched a movie. Rob had been up since early that morning so he fell asleep on the floor during the movie. I was conflicted about trying to go to bed myself since I wasn't sure I was in early labor or not. All day, since my dr. appointment, I had been having sporadic, moderate contractions, and had been spotting since my membranes had been swept. I was starting to feel like I was leaking just a tiny bit of fluid. By around 11:45 we made the decision to head to the hospital to see what was up. I was afraid of going to bed and waking up in transition, and having a baby in the car on the way to the hospital, since this was my third delivery and was likely to be shorter. (and I am prone to quick deliveries anyway)

         I remember on the drive to the hospital not having any contractions at all, and thinking that maybe it was a bad idea and we should just turn around and go back home. I almost said something a couple of times in the car, but my curiosity and concern over the irregular contractions won out and we made it to the hospital with my sister and (almost) sister in law in tow. Mom had stayed home with the kids, since they were both in bed and we didn't want to wake them and  take them to my in-laws house until we knew for sure that I was going to have the baby. Especially late at night.

         We arrived at the hospital at about 12:30 and I walked in to the nurse's station very nervous, because I hadn't felt a contraction in nearly 45 minutes. Rob and I were taken into the triage room and I put on a gown and was hooked up to the monitors. I told her that the contractions were random and had no pattern but that I had my membranes swept that morning and I thought my water might be leaking. She was very friendly and checked my cervix which was dilated to a 4-5 at that point (which was encouraging to me since it WAS progress from that morning) and did a test with a swab to see if I was leaking amniotic fluid or just the normal discharge. during that time  the monitor showed that I was in fact, having regular contractions. The nurse went out of the room for a minute and I started to get excited, because I was almost certain that I was in fact in labor. She came back and checked the test, which was showing positive for amniotic fluid, meaning I was about to be admitted for sure. She checked me again and said I had already progressed to a 6.  

       She went out again to get the admitting process going and, as though triggered by the news that we were about to be admitted, my contractions went from moderate and uncomfortable, to sharp and extremely painful. I felt a gush of fluid in conjunction with the contractions and felt certain that my membranes had ruptured further. All the sudden another nurse came rushing in and told me to move onto my left side because the baby was having heart decelerations. She put an oxygen mask on me and I told her about the fluid gushing with each contraction. She lifted the sheet to confirm this and gasped a little (not something you want to hear from your nurse at that point) and told me that it wasn't just fluid, but quite a bit of blood, and it concerned her (another thing I didn't want to hear) I remember her bringing a bath towel folded up and stuffed it up between my legs to keep from drenching my legs in blood. The contractions continued to get harder and sharper, and started happening one on top of another.  I couldn't concentrate much during them and had less than a minute after one ended before another began. I was very scared by now and asked Rob to give me a priesthood blessing, which he did, quickly because I didn't have much time in between contractions.

         Rob stayed beside me the entire time and held my hand during each one. The intensity was so extreme that grasping his hand during each wave of pain, became my lifeline. It was as though I would implode if I let go during the most excruciating of the pain. I lost track of time at this point and the nurses were in and out, inserting the i.v. and having me sign paperwork between contractions (NOT an easy feat!) The triage nurse introduced me to the nurse on call, who would be "my" nurse. She told me they thought the bleeding might indicate a placental abruption (the placenta was detaching from the wall of the uterus early)  and she told me that my dr. was not on call and the 'on-call' dr. wanted to have me sign a consent for a C-section and to prep the O.R.  in case the baby showed any further signs of distress. I remember she said, "We aren't saying that you will for sure have a c-section, but if something happens to the baby, it will happen fast, so we want it to be ready." 

        At this point I became very scared, but didn't have much time to dwell on the fear because the pain was only intensifying and coming faster and faster. Each pain seemed to build upon the last one, compounding the intensity so I never had a chance to adjust to it. They pushed the bed I was laying on into my room, because they didn't want to move me from my left side and distress the baby. I was quite okay with this because the thought of moving even to a wheelchair was more than I could handle. I began to worry that they might have to cut into me to get my baby out. Somehow though, I couldn't shake the feeling that, that wouldn't have to be the case. His heart rate was still good and I knew that these wretched contractions were making rapid changes to my cervix. It was like my body knew there was something not entirely right, and was working overtime to get my baby out as fast as it could on it's own.

      Once I was in my room my sisters (who were not allowed in the triage room and had been in the waiting room) were brought in by Robert. My mom had been called when we had confirmed that we were being admitted and she had dropped my other kids off at Rob's dad's house and was on her way to the hospital. The doctor on call came in and checked me (8 centimeters) and I remember hearing vague discussion about a possible c-section and having the 'section cart' ready to go. My mom came in about then and I think Rob must have explained what was going on, because I don't remember being able to talk much, even between contractions at this point. The pain was so intense I was no longer able to endure each contraction silently, and found myself making low, guttural, groans with each wave of agonizing pain. 

    I heard the doctor say he wanted to make sure my bag of water was fully ruptured to help labor progress even faster (I also remember hearing the nurses mentioning how fast everything was going already). He took the amnio hook and ruptured the bag further. More fluid, but also more blood gushed, and then checked me again. (9 centimeters)  I curled back onto my left side to brace for the next pain-wave and the doctor began talking about "going ahead and letting 'mom' push"  Rob says he could tell that he was anxious to get the baby out. The bed was quickly transformed, the stirrups were pulled out and I somehow found the strength to move from my fetal curl, into a more appropriate birthing position. My feet in the stirrups, my body pulling itself into a more upright position, the doctor began stretching my perineum for pushing. I knew this was coming, but didn't anticipate it hurting quite so badly ( I was completely unmedicated ) I felt like he was forcefully, trying to rip me in half  ( I asked about this afterwords and apparently it looked exactly as it felt, and well....ouch. ) This took a bit of the wind out of my sails, as it were, and my first push wasn't as strong as it could have been, though I did bring the head down so it was crowning. I pushed again, and he crowned and receded again. At this point the doctor mentioned something about "giving mom a little help with the vacuum extractor." I distinctly remember hearing this and my thoughts became very clear, No, that is not acceptable, or necessary. I looked the doctor directly in the eye and told him, "No. I've got this." He began to say, "well we are just going to help a little..." and the contraction built again and I bore down with every bit of strength I had, and some that I hadn't possessed until that moment, and I pushed and the pain overcame me and I cried out. I put so much into that last push that everything inside my head was muted but the task at hand: "pushing as though to move the earth itself"   I heard someone say, "You're baby is HERE! He is HERE!!!" and I thought "Oh yes, my baby!"  and at 2:52a.m. I looked down and sure enough, there was my tiny, little guy being placed on my stomach.  I took a deep breath and gasped the first words to pop into my head, "Oh, my gosh that hurt SO bad!!" I reached down to pull my baby closer to me and was stopped because the umbilical cord hadn't been cut. They clamped and had Robert cut the cord, severing my first physical connection to my precious offspring, and I pulled him up to my chest so that I could hold him close.

      Time had little meaning to me during the whole ordeal, but my nurse looking over the chart, said that the doctor was only in my room for 14 minutes before my baby was born, and that I a total of 3 minutes elapsed from the time the doctor started talking about "letting mom push". 

     This had been my fastest and most intense, painful labor and delivery, and yet I knew I would have done it all over again 20 times in a row for this little guy:

Evan Saul Attaya, born March 13, 2014
2:52 a.m. 7lbs. 3oz. 19in long

I had been in "active labor" for just about two hours, my shortest labor and delivery yet. Once he was out and the cord clamped and cut, he was placed directly on my chest, skin to skin. we were both covered with a warm blanket and left alone for an hour and a half. This was the most amazing time. I was able to just relax and bathe in the endorphins and oxytocin rush with my little boy. It's the most amazing 'high' feeling, the first few moments with a new baby. I was sore, exhausted and completely worn down, but still felt better than I ever had.

Having my babies does that to me, and I am so glad.

"Not" nesting.

36 weeks. I am 36 weeks pregnant today. Do you know what that means? It means that I am officially in the ninth month! It means that stuff is about to get real. Especially since my last baby was born when I was 37 1/2 weeks. (I realize this doesn't necessarily mean that this baby will follow suit, but a girl can hope right?!)
       This last month is when (according to all the books, and babycenter.com) all the "nesting" instincts are supposed to set in and give me all this energy to get things done and motivation to spotlessly clean my house in preparation for the new baby.  I can't say I have ever been really familiar with this phenomenon. Which ought to be evident by the fact that it is just about lunchtime now and I am sitting on my sofa, in my super, comfy, maternity bathrobe, with my laptop on my lap, writing a blog instead of scrubbing my bathtubs with clorox clean-up, in full, perfect make-up, full skirt and pearls. (which is clearly what I SHOULD be doing...)

And this. It's about birds so...
this counts as "nesting" right....?

I mean, I mentally know that certain things must be done because, you know, having a baby in a few weeks and all. So the last several weeks I have made myself get up and get certain things done. For example: The "catch-all" corner in my bedroom had to be modified to become a mini-nursery.

I'd have posted the "before" picture, but I am pretty sure it would have made
me look like I should be on an episode of 'hoarders'

My little townhouse is only equipped with two bedrooms. (Three bathrooms though. Not that I am complaining with as often as I have to pee lately, but still) 

We aren't planning on living here for TOO much longer. But since we are here for at least a few more months, and contrary to to popular tongue-in-cheek philosophy, I need more than a dresser drawer to put the baby in. Hence, we created, 'The baby corner'. And by "We" I mean my awesome husband and I. And by "husband and I" I mean my husband, under my magnanimous direction. 

So baby has a place to sleep now-Check.

I have also been washing all my infant sized baby boy clothes, and burp cloths and blankets. And okay, I DID spend a day last week really getting the downstairs cleaned really well, and there was an afternoon a couple of weeks ago where I totally cleaned out my refrigerator, and washed all the shelves in it. And, I mean yeah, yesterday I got on my sewing machine and made some hooded towels, because the baby will need to be bathed, so he will need some towels. Then I figured since I was already at my machine  I made a quick pillowcase out of some leftover fabric I had so I could bring one of my own pillows to the hospital. (You aren't supposed to bring them in white pillowcases since the hospital staff could get confused and take your pillow with the other linens, and they CAN'T HAVE MY AWESOME DOWN ALTERNATIVE PILLOW! But I digress...)

 So...Okay, maybe I HAVE been "nesting"....a tiny bit. Nothing like the dramatic stories I have heard about women rearranging all of their furniture, or reorganizing each cupboard. (because those girls are CRAZY! Also, a colorful pillowcase is much more important! And, there really isn't any other way my furniture could be set up in my tiny house, and my cupboards are already organized...)

 So my house is clean-ish, or at least parts of it are, I have even been keeping it vacuumed once a week!  Today I plan to go through all the pins I have found on pinterest regarding what to pack in my hospital bag, and then ignore them and pack exactly what I already know I need to pack, because I have already done it twice before and pinterest should stop enticing me to pin ALL the useful baby pins!