Dr. Facebook

There is a lot of complaining going on about what happens on facebook in recent months. Failblog has even dedicated an entire section of its website to facebook fails!
Since I am SUCH a facebook veteran (6 1/2 years kids, 6 1/2 YEARS!) I feel that I can appropriately diagnose and recommend treatment for many of the ailments and diseases that are spreading around facebook like the bloody plague! Just call me Dr. Facebook! (or at the very least, Nurse Practitioner Facebook)

Here are a few of my new contributions to the DSM IV:

Diagnoses: "Severe text-speak syndrome"

• Symptoms: Every status update, or comment posted follows absolutely 0 of the rules of proper grammar nor do they even sound like normal spoken conversation when repeated out loud. Words that everyone who has passed the second grade should know how to spell, are purposefully misspelled. Often when a correction is attempted, it is met with further ignorance.

ex: "OMG y r so many ppl stupid? srsly me n mii bff r liek teh only ppl i no who rnt dum!"

• Treatement: My recommendation is for everyone else to completely ignore these types where all possible. Often it will run its course and the person suffering will grow a few more brain cells, graduate high school, and hopefully, feel intense and severe amounts of shame at EVER writing like that. 

Diagnoses: "Acute Attention Whore-dom" or  AAW!! 

• Symptoms: At least once a day, a status is updated to a vague, often melancholy, and always shamelessly attention seeking update, frequently ending such an update with an ellipsis.  ex: " this is the most terrible thing to have ever happened to me..." When some well meaning person attempts to ask what is wrong, they are usually met with, "I don't want to talk about it..."

• Treatment: My professional recommendation is this: DON'T FREAKING POST IT ON FACEBOOK IF YOU "DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT" !!!

Diagnoses: "Obsessive, Compulsive Sharing Syndrome" 

•  Symptoms :  At least every other status update is a 're-share' of some inspirational quote about motherhood/friendship/womanhood/'strong' womanhood/devoted motherhood/having a daughter/having a son/being a strong person/woman/bitch etc. This will often accompany a picture of a cute puppy/kitten/bunny/sunset/rose/beach landscape/blue with pixelated sparkles etc. These people have very little to say of themselves, yet still feel drawn to click "share" whenever they see a picture that somebody else shared recently that they feel applies to them in some way.
• Treatment: In my 'professional' opinion the sufferer should spend some time away from his/her computer, and possibly get outside and see some real life trees to remind themselves that, not every pretty tree has some gag-inducing quote about how 'unique each individual is' plastered over it in monotype corsiva. Perhaps do something that could be used as material for an original status update.

Diagnoses: "Chronic Compulsive Opinion Tourettes"

• Symptoms: Multiple times a week (if not day) this person posts either an original status update, or a link to a blog/article/picture/meme supporting his/her feelings on Atheism/extreme Christianity/Some other severely controversial topic. This person usually accompanies this link to a picture or article with some sarcastic, inflammatory comment towards whichever group they are against. Often they appear to be trying to spark heated arguments, only to eventually explode at everyone.

ex: "F*** all you sheep! You are all f****** idiots!!"

• Treatment: a Rx for Self Restrainex™, with unlimited refills. No generic brand available.

Diagnoses: "Originality Dysfunction Disorder" 

• Symptoms: Multiple times a day, a status is updated with random song lyrics. Occasionally they are put in quotation marks to let people know that they are actually quoting someone. Often however, there is no use of quotations, causing the confused (often older, adults unfamiliar with what is currently playing on the radio)  to ask questions about why you want to "take down dominoes all the time."
• Treatment: If you can't post something original, limit it to once a week, and for gosh sakes use quotation marks!

Diagnoses: "Extreme Over-Reaction Syndrome"

• Symptoms: These people are often simultaneously suffering from CCOT. They find a status update/shared link, that talks about something they disagree with, and proceed to slam the poster either very harshly, or sarcastically, and sometimes both. These people then continue to wait until the original poster responds to their comments and continuously bash and demean them until the original poster either deletes their comments from their page, or un-friends them, or both.
• Treatment: The Self Restrainex™ often works well for sufferers of these types as well. Often the antagonized will feel that retribution in like manner (trolling comments on his/her profile and status updates) are necessary, however this is a mistake, and can often lead to unwanted "facebook wars" which should be avoided at all cost, as they exacerbate nearly all of the symptoms of every facebook illness.

There are many other serious Facebook maladies out there, but these are currently some of the worst.

On second thought, just prescribe everyone some Self Restrainex™ Heaven knows we could all benefit from it!

What I've been up to.

I have been a very negligent blogger lately. You may be wondering, "Why is that Corinne? What is more important than us, the 4-5  people, (who are more than likely related to you, and therefore, grudgingly obligated) who read your blog?" Well let me tell you...stuff. Very important stuff. Stuff like this:

See that? And with only 2% battery power left! VERY important stuff!

Warriors, come out and PLAY!

The Warrior Dash. Until a little over a year ago, I didn't know what it was either. Robert came to me and told me his brothers were asking him to do it with them. Seeing how I am always in favor doing ridiculous things together as adult siblings (see this post) I was in favor. Being the adventurous type, I decided to pack up my, then two year old and three month old, and tag along to watch. Robert had done a little research on this running series which turned out to be a 5k mud run, which many of the participants dressed up in ridiculous costumes  to trudge through the mud. Because we are who we are, Rob decided he wanted to throw together a costume as well. This is what he spent about a week and a half "throwing together"

Clever, I know, but consider the weather in March in South-
East Texas...It was hot and he STILL wore this!

I watched him as he came around the bend and towards the finish and leapt over rows of fire and then dove into the mud pit with barbed wire strung above it, forcing the participants to crawl through the mud on hands and knees, before crossing the finish line. I thought to myself as I watched all the people doing this, "I could do this, if I was in better shape"

  From that moment I decided that I would get off my lazy behind and stop accepting my post (not just one but TWO) baby body, and make it better.  So I started running. you may remember this post discussing my, then hatred for the activity. As time went on however, call it stockholm syndrome if you like, but I grew to accept it, like it, love it, and eventually, to need it! Thats right, I need to run in order to maintain my sanity these days! Well, throughout all that time, I always had the warrior dash in the back of my mind, and last saturday I finally got to see it through and run my very own warrior dash! I had one of the best times ever! It had been raining almost the entire week before, and got sunny for saturday so the course was EXTRA muddy, which was pretty awesome, except that a lot of the runners didn't know how to hold onto their shoes which got pulled of in the ankle-knee deep mud that covered 2/3rds of the course. For the record, my shoes stayed on the whole time, though I slipped and fell on the  wet mud, a number of times..

Because I can't pass up an opportunity to dress up for something, I made us district 12 tribute t-shirts, because I felt this was an appropriate place to pay homage to the Hunger Games. (These shirts will serve double duty as I will be wearing them to the midnight release of the movie as well, because, thats just how I roll)

The difference I find in myself from last year when Rob ran his first warrior dash and this year, is significant. I have re-gained my 'pre-baby' body and then some! Meaning I weigh less now than I did before I got pregnant with my first baby. Go me! (oh please, stop with all the applause, no no, I am just like any of you, stop chanting my name!)

Fortunately, my genius husband thought to buy a waterproof camera to carry along with us during the race to take pictures of the course that wasn't open to spectators. My family was set up near the end of the course and got a heap of pictures from there as well, so we have a TON of pics from this year.

So here are but a few of the fun things we did on our Dash of warriors!

Phase one: The still clean phase.

The getting ready to go phase.

The, getting used to the slick mud phase

The waist deep...

...ankle deep

And chest deep muddy water phase

the rope climbing phase (complete with hero stance)

The 'I'm not sure whats challenging about walking through
a 12 foot tunnel but I will go ahead and do it' phase

The, tires full of ankle deep mud phase

the, running over floating barrels phase.

the 'we do this TOGETHER' phase!

the, climbing up and over a wall phase.

The, climbing over the 20ft. tall cargo net phase

The jumping over fire phase!

The, doofus jump pose, phase

The, not so doofus-y jump pose phase.

The, crawling through mud and gravel, which tore up my
knees, phase.

The, covered in mud, and happy about it, phase.

The, Rob asking anyone if they want a hug, phase

The aftermath phase.

The lovely shades of purple, bruising all over my legs, phase.

We are totally doing it again next year, and dragging my family into it too!

Weddings and Things.

So I haven't written in a while. Don't worry you haven't missed THAT much, and what you have missed I will fill you all in on!
 SO! First off I must go on a bit about my new favorite thing. Robert and I decided that we were REALLY sick of our wireless provider. We were paying more than we wanted to and didn't even have smart phones or even a data plan! We were tired of living in the dark ages of wireless devices and finally bit the proverbial bullet, and switched plans! Before we ever decided to switch we knew what we wanted, and NO we are not brainwashed zombies, or mindless followers. And let me just say that I ALSO appreciate the validity and of 'other' smart phones/devices. Androids, blackberries etc, but, we happen to have really good luck with apple products! My beloved Macbook pro is a full year old. I love how easy it is to use, and I haven't had a SINGLE problem, even with my two small children who, from time to time get their hands on it!
 ....I'm sure you see where this is going, and yes, I GOT AN iPHONE!!! It is my new baby and I love it SO very much! There really IS an app for everything! My current favorite has to be my fitness pal which helps me track my running and workouts, and keeps me from eating too much (which apparently I was doing before) Since Rob is a pilot, we can facetime when he is out and has to be away from home for periods of time, which the kids love! Words with friends, just makes me happy and I feel like I must reach out to my "friends" out there and invite you all to join me in playing some of the most drawn out games of scrabble ever played! (thats right, even those of you who haven't seen me in person since I lived in Memphis twelve years ago... SCRABBLE people!)
Um *cough* anyways... yeah so moving on.
My sister Kristen recently got married.

Adorable right? I have to say that we were all a little worried about Krissy there for a while. She wasn't quite living up to her 'partner potential' with the guys she was seeing. So when she brought Bill home last year, and we got to know him a bit, we all breathed a BIG sigh of relief because he IS a pretty darn awesome guy. (and seriously, just look at that face! A-DOR-A-BLE!!)

SO when the wedding plans became 'official' I was ready! As the eldest sister, and being married myself, it fell upon me to be the 'matron-of-honor'. I had the bridal shower in the bag so I didn't worry about that. (it went off without a hitch of course) Then there was the matter of the "dress" not Krissy's dress oh no. I knew it would be fabulous because she wouldn't have it any other way. I was relieved to hear that she wanted us all to wear black. Black is good. Black is elegant. Black is a flattering color on everyone.  I got a bonus when she said that all the styles would be varied according to our individual styles. SCORE! I was ready for this dress. If you have read this blog for a while, then you know that I have been running away from the disgusting, post-baby fat that was lingering, nastily, on my body and have been relatively successful in my endeavors to escape it. 

So we went out in January and dress-shopped. It was a good day. Both Kristen and I found our dresses on the same shopping trip (her's was more important than mine of course, but still...)

Mad props go out to the other bridesmaid who did my hair (Thank you Ashlee Drake. Your years of doing hair for dance recitals has paid off!)

The wedding itself was lovely of course and went off, pretty much without a hitch. Now my sister is married too, and I have a brother in law who is awesome, and doesn't mind when I make "Bill" jokes!

The most popular comments on this photo
since it has been posted on facebook, is that
we are apparently "twins". Pay no attention
to that seven year age gap behind the curtain people

Here are some highlights from the.....blessed event.... and...okay, who am I kidding. Here are some really adorable pictures, that mostly feature my really adorable kids and me with my hair looking REALLY great!

See! Loved my hair that day!

Aubrey getting ready with the girls!

Me and my needy baby!

This was our official "bridesmaid's" pose
...We nailed it

Nothing but pure, unadulterated vanity here.
I feel attractive and look at the cute baby
that I made!

I sort of adore this handsome kid!

Dancing!

Dancing!! (and hiding a bubble wand
in the pocket)

Something was brought to my attention about this next picture. Supposedly my husband and I have a 'signature' pose. 

This is us at Kristen and Bill's wedding, March 10th 2012

This is us at my friend Savannah's wedding in August 2004

...Yeah, I don't see the similarity either.

Young mothers UNITE!

*Walks in, and sets soapbox down.*
*Steps onto soapbox*

Ladies, old and young, but especially old ladies. The really stern and stuffy ones who either haven't had small children since we switched to electric lights, or have never had any at all. The ones who still stubbornly hold to the antiquated "Children should be seen and not heard, especially at church " mantra. The ones who sit in the back of the room and go on tirades in the middle of the lesson.
Thats right, I am talking to YOU!
Maybe we, the young mothers of the ward, don't WANT to sequester ourselves to the back rows of the chapel overflow! Maybe we LIKE sitting in the middle of the chapel with our kids, even though they make noise and we have to take them out from time to time. Maybe we want to get some spiritual uplifting from our sacrament meeting WITHOUT having to try to hear the speakers from the very back row over our squirmy, squeaky kids!
 Didn't Jesus say "suffer the children to come to me"? In fact I bet that He said so because some cantankerous old person tried to keep the kids away from Him because she was afraid the kids would be too noisy or annoying to Jesus!
 Well guess what? I am going to make an effort to sit in the front of the chapel every sunday now! My kids will have the best opportunity to learn how to be productive and polite members of society because I am going to teach them that it is more important to learn how to listen reverently to the speaker each sunday from the front, and NOT hide in the back so they can make more noise!


Also, what does keeping the kids silent during sacrament meeting have to do with having more Christ centered meetings, you know, our  Relief Society lesson topic?
....Just sayin'.

*steps down from soapbox*
*Walks away, and sets soapbox down for 3 year old son to play choo choo train in*

Parenting 101 Lesson 25: Never underestimate the three year old.

  My son is really awesome. I have always known that. Today however, he reminded me just HOW awesome he can be.
  It was a lovely quiet afternoon, and I had just spent two hours yelling upstairs at Andy to 'lay down and go to sleep already' to which he cheerfully disobeyed. I finally relented ( I am pretty sure he has officially outgrown his afternoon nap. A fact that I am reluctant to accept.) and told him to go ahead and come downstairs so he won't wake Aubrey from HER nap. He asked if he could bring a toy downstairs and I said 'sure' since it was more likely that he would be quieter if he did.
   He brought down his tub of 'bristle blocks' and announced that he was going to build a "choo choo train" I smiled and said, "sounds good!"  and went on with what I was doing, fully prepared to congratulate him on whatever modern interpretation of a 'train' he fashioned.
 
                            My jaw about dropped to the floor when he presented me with THIS:

Not just a handsome little sucker, but a blossoming engineer!

I really couldn't get over his meticulous placement of the wheels and smokestack.

Finished Product, after some final tweaking from Andrew.

.....Never again will I underestimate my son....never.

Resolution-ary

  Well its that time of year again. The time of year that finds dumpsters filled with dry, prickly christmas trees, which, lets face it, are nothing short of depressing! I always find myself a little sad in the after christmas lull, wishing that the weeks between thanksgiving and christmas could have stretched out MUCH longer than they did. The weeks where it didn't feel blasphemous to watch "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer" and "The Muppet Christmas Carol", and the anticipation of the day that can turn even the most level headed of adults (Me) into a ridiculous, grinning, joy-filled, goofball.

 BUT such is life. I have learned over the years to be zen-like and accept, and move past the 'post christmas blues' so it doesn't evolve into 'post christmas depression'  which has symptoms like; 

• Sitting on the floor, sobbing irrationally, in front of the christmas tree next to the storage tubs that have been pulled out to put the ornaments away.
• Becoming nearly catatonic at the mere thought that it will be a full ELEVEN months before you can watch 'a Charlie Brown Christmas'
• Sneaking around for a few days with Mannheim Steamroller on your iPod.

I have been pretty strong this year.....you know.....for the kids.

Now we have reached the time of year where people feel obligated to make lists of things they probably wont stick with for more than one month fully intend to accomplish in the "new year".

 Now I have been known to make my own little list of "resolutions" and "resolve" myself to do things that  could potentially make me a better person.....or whatever. 

I mean, okay, I KIND OF made an unofficial list, in my head, of things I would like to try to do this year, like, NOT dying on Dec. 21st when the Mayan Calendar ends, and trying out more of the cool stuff I have pinned on pinterest like this!

I totally made this, and I know what you are all thinking about it,
and yes, it is EXACTLY as amazing as it looks!
 Cheesecake, and Chocolate Mousse, topped with Chocolate Ganache
......I had to share it with people so I didn't eat it all myself!

As important as 'New Year's Resolutions' are in January, they seem to dwindle with importance as the year progresses, so that by December, the current year's resolutions are nearly meaningless and NEW, New Years resolutions are already being formed for the next year! Its a vicious cycle!

So I am NOT going to try and write some meaningful blog post filled with bold declarations of "What I will do to make myself  better in 2012" and instead talk about what I DID to make myself better in 2011! (whether or not those things were as effective as I like to think they were...)

In 2011 I :

1.  Successfully adjusted to being a mother of TWO small children! (no small feat ifyaknowwhatImean) 
2. Broke my addiction to Oreo Fudgees. (And not a moment too soon, they were discontinued by those cruel, cruel people at Nabisco!)  
3. Successfully moved to Houston, from Trinity (WITH two small children) and acclimated to living in an area that does not feel like 'Lonesome Dove'.
4. Started a workout regimen that I actually enjoy, and have been able to maintain for more than two consecutive days! This is the one that I am actually pretty proud of. I am pretty sure that almost everyone sets out to 'lose weight' in the new year. Last year I actually did it! I think it just finally clicked that I DIDN'T want to be the generic, amorphous young(ish), mommy with non-existent self-worth.  (Also, when I quit my job in February, I started going stir-crazy being with my kids so much, so going for a daily run became the saving grace of my sanity)                          

(insert lame Jenny Craig/weight watchers joke here)

 I will keep running this year, mostly because, believe it or not I really do enjoy it. It IS nice to see SOME visible incentive to keep it up though.

   Happy New Year everybody! 

And may the Oreo Fudgees in life, be easy to resist!