Battling the 'baby' bulge

    So, since my baby was born four months ago, I have had the deep desire to return my "post-baby" body back to its former goddess-like state........Okay, so it was never 'goddess-like' but it WAS better than the deflated, and smushy aftermath that childbirth left me with. Don't get me wrong, it was worth EVERY pound I gained, to have my baby healthy. BUT, did you know that out of all the weight  you gain while pregnant, you only lose like 10 pounds of it when you give birth!! Carry around a big sack of potatoes every day and at the end of nine months, take out about three of the potatoes. That is what its like!
        I searched and found a breakdown of where the weight comes from, and its all two to three pounds here and there. Extra blood volume, amniotic fluid, uterine increase, and then of course the weight that belongs to the baby herself. It adds up to a tidy little number......until you add, the FAT STORES! it is supposed to be something like 8-10 pounds, at MINIMUM!   THAT is the culprit people!  I will grant that I got very lucky with my last pregnancy and did not gain more than was required. I was VERY happy with that.
          But now, here I am. four months later. STILL working on that STUPID 8-10 pounds of FAT STORAGE!! I want it gone and then some! SO, I make myself do something that I have always, ALWAYS loathed, despised and abominated............I work out. I find that the irritation frustration unadulterated fear, of how I look in a swimsuit outweighs my deep hatred of exercise. I WANT to look decent again, I WANT to look down and NOT see the little bit of tummy pooch that is stubbornly still there! And so, I don my shorts, SUPER, supportive, sports bra, a t-shirt, find my ipod and get my shoes on. I then begin to psyche myself up. I stretch, contemplate eating a cookie, do some crunches and push ups, get up, center my chi, take one wistful glance at my sofa, turn on my ipod, take a deep breath AND....... begin running. The first minute or so is the easiest. Then my asthma kicks in and I have to focus on regulating my breathing pattern so I don't collapse. Then I turn to ignoring the pain in my hips/lower back, leftover from being pregnant. After a little while I fall into a relatively pleasant pattern (BREATHE *step* *step* *step* BREATHE...) Before I know it I have reached my one-mile-marker and I think "hmmm, I can go a little farther...." so I do. Each time I go I feel like I can go just a little more. Eventually I have to stop  running (because of the asthma thing) and start walking. I continue walking for probably another two miles and feel like a warrior of some sort, perhaps a ninja or samurai, or maybe a knight, battling the 'dragon' that is my baby weight! (Take THAT you self-esteem killing, beast living beneath my stretch marks!) I make it back to my house, and down water and gatorade, as though I were Bear Grylls who had just spent the past three days in the sahara. I feel triumphant! I have CONQUERED my work out for the day! I feel like I might just be a 'normal' person who can just casually 'go running' on a daily basis. I resolve myself to be that way, and go about the rest of my afternoon.
   By the next day the whiny little kid in me rears its defiant little head, and I have to start the process all over again......

Little Victories, or, Adventures in Amateur Barbering.

  Something I have learned since becoming a parent, is that it is the little victories that sometimes feel the best. Your baby learns how to roll from her back to her tummy and from tummy to back. Your toddler feeds himself with a spoon all on his own and only gets MOST of it in his hair and face. Things like that. Andrew, I am pleased to say has passed many of these little milestones (though potty training eludes us still........)

After a haircut (did a good job didn't he?)

 


 About two years ago my husband decided that, since his haircuts mostly involve putting the clippers on the smallest guard and buzzing it over his entire head, we would invest in a set of clippers. It has saved us money on the monthly haircuts for Rob, but I was still faced with the task of finding someone to cut Andrews hair.

When Andy was born, he had NO hair. In fact the first words out of my adoring husbands mouth after he cut the umbilical cord were, "WOW, he has my hairline!!"


As he grew though, (thankfully) his hair did grow. On his first birthday his baby-fine hair was getting longish and looked a little scraggly, so I decided to take him in, and let him have his first haircut on his first birthday. It was exactly what you might think it would be. He squirmed and wriggled and, ultimately his hair got cut, but it took a ridiculous amount of effort to do it.  I  wasn't so worried because the person doing it was my little sister's best friend. She, was a top-of-her-class cosmetology student, and did my hair all the time so it was fine. She continued doing it for us for nearly the next year, then she left for college. I had NO idea where I was going to take Andy for a haircut until I realized that I could do it!!  isn't that what mothers do? cut their children's hair? OF course! So I tried it......with a pair of haircutting scissors. Rob had to hold literally hold him still by bracing his chin and the nape of his neck so that I didn't cut his ears! He fought, and screamed and cried, the WHOLE time! I felt like I was cutting the hair of one of those calves they want the cowboy to chase at the rodeo! In my attempt to do it right I ended up cutting my own finger, pretty bad! I  was glad to have it done and out of the way, but part of me dreaded having to do it again in a month! When the time came to cut it again I once again employed my husband with the task of holding our son still. Once again, he writhed and fought and made it absolutely difficult to accomplish, but once again I did it. The next time, I was telling Rob to get ready to hold Andy down again, and Rob (being the genius that he is when I miss the complete obvious)  asked, why don't I just use the clippers on him...........*facepalm* I pulled out the clippers and began the SLIGHTLY easier task of cutting my son's hair. It was only "slightly" easier because NOW he wriggled and squirmed with laughter, because the vibration of the clippers, tickled him! AHHHRGG! It did go monumentally faster with the clippers however.
  The clippers "tickling" him has been the biggest thing we have had to deal with as far as haircuts go for Andy. ( I am SO excited about NOT cutting Aubrey's hair and just letting it grow!)

  So, Today, my Papa (grandfather) calls and asks if I will cut his hair for him. Of course, I do. We sit on the deck out back so that clean up is as easy as sweeping the hair off the deck. When I am finished (and have done a FABULOUS job cutting his hair :) Andrew walks up to the chair and looks at me and says, "Mommy, my turn?" I was aghast! He was ALWAYS slightly terrified to get his hair cut! Even when it just ticked him! I asked if he really wanted Mommy to cut his hair and he smiled and said Yes! I had him climb on the chair and turned the clippers back on............Lo and behold, my son sat still through an entire haircut.................VICTORY!!!!

Andy with a brand new haircut!!

.....The back even looks good! Go me!!

"Andy-isms" #1

 They say that  when you become a parent, your life changes. This is true. They also say that you learn from your children. This also is true. (Though I am more than a little curious as to who "They" are, and what makes "Them" think that "They" are so 'all-knowing') My children have certainly changed my life, and I have certainly learned quite a bit since having my children, particularly Andrew.
    Andrew is not quite three, and is truly the most adorable kid who ever was! He does, however, have quite a personality on him. Sometimes I just sit back and watch him as he does his little thing. I often wonder, as he is running his 34th lap around our big green armchair,  singing, "ain't no mountain high enough", just what is going through his little head? I will post a series of 'Andy-isms' so that all of you can understand just how much more interesting my life is because of my little guy!!

• Andy: on Movies - My son thoroughly enjoys watching movies. I guess he was destined to, with Rob and I as his parents. Rob and I saw SO many movies while we were dating and in the early years of our marriage. We saw quite a few in theaters while I was pregnant with him. I was literally in labor with him when we went to see "The Dark Knight" in the theater. So I guess it was meant to be. Andrew has his own little cache of movies on our movie shelf. Of those movies he has a handful of 'favorites', Wall-E, Up, Toy story (1 & 2) The many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh, and most recently Toy Story 3 and Tangled. These 'favorites' get watched A LOT. When I say 'a lot' I don't just mean each and every day, I mean many, many, many, MANY times a day! He watches his movies with the intensity of a professional card-counter at a blackjack table! His new trick is to wait till his movie is over and it goes back to the menu screen and then press the 'play' button on the dvd player and voila! the movie starts all over again! The funniest part is that Andy sits and talks along with the dialogue and sings all the songs! Its like an echo but not quite, because he does it PERFECTLY in sync with the movie!!! We have seen toy story 3 and Tangled so many times since we bought it for him, I feel like I could probably act out a one-woman, live-action, stage version of each of them, I know them SO well! I find myself with my ipod on and one earbud in, most of the day, either listening to my own music or, more often an audio book. This seems to help me maintain my precious sanity, and keep me affectionate towards Woody and Spanish Buzz, rather than wishing that they had gone ahead and fallen into that large incinerator!

Four months ago...

     Typically when someone tells me to, "look what you have done!!" I cringe and try not the look at the white, navy van that I have painstakingly decorated with horizontal stripes in purple and blue crayola marker....... 

completely beat, and yet blissed out!

Oooo I looked HOT!

  

Four months ago, today, I could not stop "looking at what I had done". My brand new daughter, still pink and wrinkly and perfect, was being passed around to various members of my family and friends. I was exhausted from being up the entire night before in labor, I was so sore I could not sit up straight, and I was still in a fair amount of pain, due to the continued contractions that were slowly shrinking my uterus back into shape. (before I had children I always thought that as soon as the baby pops out the pain magically goes away, and you feel GREAT......not so, my friends, not so.) Despite all that I was beyond happy to, now have my tiny little girl in addition to my little boy! 

 

  These past four months have gone by SO fast! Seriously if you are feeling like life is dragging by, have a kid! I am still trying to catch up to the fact that my son is so close to three years old! My kids have made my life So much better, and SOOO much more interesting! And my husband, I thought I loved him BEFORE we had kids! He is so incredible!

My Beautiful Aubrey!

      So my beautiful little girl has been with me for four short months, and yet I cannot see my life without her!

Clothing retailer, OR big, adventure playland??? You decide!

     An uneventful, laid back saturday, turned into an adventure of monumental proportions yesterday......for my 2 1/2 year old! While I was idly playing around on the internet, I decided to check my e-mail and discovered an ad for old navy. Typically I ignore such spam, but being as bored as I was, I clicked on it and learned of a fabulous sale that I felt we must take advantage of! I mean, it IS April in southeast Texas. Time to put up all the long sleeves and coats, and bring out the shorts and t-shirts!  We loaded the kids up in the car and embarked on an expedition for the strip mall in conroe.

                        
        Andrew was................very *grunt*.....................excited*grunt*.........("NOO Mommy!!").........

                                     Ahh Old Navy, a magical land of wonder, and blue jeans!
                                      

........and the perfect place to plot his ESCAPE, from mom and dad!

But where to go?

                                                                
                                                                                                  

That's it! After all, how awesome, would it be to be an Old Navy MANNEQUIN!?

                                                      
                    
                                

 Look! Fast friends!

                                                        

Strike that, BEST friends! (after all only besties share hats!)

"And come on, This guy is SO much cooler to hold hands with than MOM!"

                   

Ok, so even the headless guy is cooler to hold hands with than mom...........

                          

"Seriously mom, THEY let me have a dog..........."

                                          

"I'm, NEVER, leaving!!!"

                                                            


*Andrew did in fact leave with the family, along with copious amounts of discounted clothing for each family member, and a pair of flip flops, that he loved so much, he insisted on sleeping with them that night.......True Story*

The Disney Channel's fall from grace.

 My son Andrew is definitely a rough and tumble little boy. He plays outside, climbs my furniture, and builds massive block towers for the express purpose of knocking them over, while throwing his head back, and laughing malevolently.  His proclivity for television, however , is pretty vast. I like to take some credit for this, after all I am the one who saw to it that he was exposed to such classics as "Sesame Street" and, "the Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh". I  have once again become big fans of PBS's programming ("Dinosaur train", "Word World", and "Clifford" for the win!!) And, I have Nick jr. to thank for "Dora the Explorer" (or as Andy calls it "backpack a' Dowa"), "Max and Ruby", "the Fresh Beat Band", and "Ni Hao, Kai Lan".  I also feel confident in my ability to re-direct his attention when such horrors as "the Evil Purple one (a.k.a. Barney)",  and "Yo Gabba Gabba" come on, I am typically able to get the channel changed before these shows air so that he has no idea they are even on (Go me!) thus, preserving my sanity. I have also effectively turned him on to just about all of the movies made by Pixar, most notably, "Toy Story 1, 2 and 3" (Toy Story, was partial inspiration for, his name, 'Andy'. True story) He also is especially fond of, "Wall-E", and "UP". And of course we have a pretty respectable collection of Classic Disney Animated features in our library.

           Now why would any of you care what movies and television shows my son begs me to watch on a daily basis? Don't worry, I have a point! You may have noticed that I left out the Disney Channel and it's "programming". We do not watch the Disney Channel anymore. I have some SERIOUS, issues with the Disney channel. Like a once good, but now rotten, cheating, boyfriend, I broke up with it. Back in the days of my innocent youth, the Disney Channel was, I daresay, my favorite of all the channels on cable! The programming was, sweet, innocent, and completely aimed at a young, classic disney loving audience. My mornings were filled with such happy-making shows as, "Care Bears", "The Wuzzles", "Gummi Bears", "Under the Umbrella Tree", "the New Adventures of Winnie the Pooh", and SO many others!  Not to mention all the Old School Mickey Mouse cartoons that they played all throughout the day! It was a dare I say, blissful time in my life! I felt confident that I could turn to the Disney channel anytime throughout the day and be happy with whatever was on. Not so, anymore. Alas, Disney has sold it's sweet, mouse-eared, soul, to cater to the 'tweens" of the world today.
          Now, I am aware that they have some new programming that is geared towards young children, that is played early in the morning. I have attempted to watch some of it, in the hopes that there is still a scrap of "Classic" Disney magic in it. Sadly, there is not. Am I really going to let my son watch a show about jungle animals that have wheels instead of legs? How am I supposed to answer questions about that?? Some of the shows I watched were silly but, explainable! (the Wuzzle's were combinations of two different animals, i.e. 'Eleroo'= Elephant + Kangaroo, The Care bears were magical, etc...)  Then of course there is the monstrous collection of live action sitcoms that are all aimed towards the 9-13 demographic, and feature a bunch of annoying, whiney, disrespectful, kids! i.e.- "Hannah Montana", "Wizards of Waverly Place", "Sunny with a Chance", I could go on and on! What happened to keeping the 'Mickey Mouse club' going?? 'Kids Incorporated' Anyone??  'The Babysitters Club' was hokey I know, but at least it maintained an innocent platform!  My favorite show to watch with my mother on monday nights was "Road to Avonlea" It was AWESOME!  I am left to vigilantly search Amazon.com and e-bay for some dregs of these great shows!   I have had luck with some, but not with others. Perhaps someday I will be able to gather most of these shows in some format or another, for me my children to enjoy.  Until then I say, "Come back to your senses, Disney Channel! I will be right here waiting for you  when/if you do!!"

Some people.....

    People. Are. WEIRD! Yes, I include myself in this generalization, but I think I am downright, boring compared to some that I have come in contact with! Most of my adult life has been full of a myriad of different kinds of people. My father, at any given point in time, has some project going on that puts me in the path of some of these people. Also, until a couple of months ago, I worked at Hastings, a books/movies/music store with a coffee shop in it. I primarily worked in the Coffee shop and book dept. but, also spent some time as a cashier and a customer service manager. I could probably fill an entire book with some of the 'experiences' I have had dealing with people, but a few stick out in my mind;

The scene: Hastings, book department, the  phone rings, I am the only floor associate available to answer a call for video.

Corinne: Hello, thank you for holding, how may I help you?
Customer who lives under rock: Yes, I hope you CAN help me, I have a video question.
Corinne: I will do my very best, what is your question?
Lives under rock: Yes, ok. *pauses* do you know, anything about, *Pauses* Ok, it is a little round, plastic disc. You put it in a machine, and it plays movies through your television set. Do you know what I am talking about? It is kind of like this device called a 'VCR' that they used to have back in the 1980's. Do you have any idea what I am talking about??
Corinne:............ Sir, do you mean a DVD player?
Lives under rock: Is that the machine that you put those little, round, plastic, discs in?
Corinne: *stifling laughing fit* yes sir.
Lives under rock: and it plays movies on your television?
Corinne: *using every ounce of effort not to snort* yes, the discs are called DVD's and they play in a DVD player.
Lives under rock: Ok, do you know anything about it? I have all these video cassette's of my grandchildren, can I play them through this DVD machine?
 Corinne:*switching to 'talking to a child' mode* Yes sir, I am very familiar with DVD players, please do not try to play your video cassette's in a DVD player, it won't work.
Lives under rock: ok, well if I get one of these machine's, how am I supposed to play the video's I have of my grandchildren?
Corinne: *deep sigh* You can convert home videos to dvd format.
Lives under rock:..........how do I do that?
Corinne: You will probably have to buy a combination VHS/DVD player, that has a conversion function.
Lives under rock: do you sell those?
Corinne: let me check my computer *tappity tap tap TAP* no sir we only have a couple of regular dvd players. You will probably have to check Wal-Mart or Best Buy.
Lives under rock: ...Now if I go ahead and purchase one of these new machines how do I go about turning my videos into those plastic disc's?
Corinne:........you know what......go ahead and GO to Best Buy. They can walk you through it all IN PERSON. Don't call them, just go, straight to the store ok?
Lives under rock: Ok. I will. Thank you so much young lady!
Corinne: Not a problem sir, have a great day. *hangs up phone and bursts into loudly inappropriate laughter*

 A little over a year ago my dad decided to open a TEEN club. Now, I knew my dad liked to take on challenges, and I thought it was because he liked to be able to say that he never ran away from something that seemed too difficult. It wasn't until he decided to start 'da club' (as we affectionately refer to it) that I realized he must be a full blown masochist! We were seriously going to invite teenagers from all over the city of Huntsville to come and congregate at our club while we attempt to wrangle entertain them? Ooooookay Daddy.......... Fortunately it has turned out not to be TOO bad as far as the teens go (we consider ourselves VERY lucky!)
 Last night however I had an....interesting experience. Not with a teen, oh no, this was with grizzled, old, gray haired, bony, black, lady, with MAYBE three teeth in her entire head, and was dressed in clothes that she looked like she had been wearing for.......a while.

The scene: at the front counter of 'da club'
Grizzled old lady: *pokes head in front door* um, could I please use your phone? I need to call me a cab.
Corinne: yeah, sure *hesitant* what is the number, I will dial it for you, so you don't have to try and figure out my phone.
Grizzled old lady: um, ok *dictates phone number*
Corinne: *beep beeb boop beep* ok here, it's dialing
Grizzled old lady: what now? *looks at phone*
Corinne: its ringing, you might want to, you know...*mime's putting phone to ear*
Grizzled old lady: Oh *talking into phone, loudly* HELLO! YES, I NEED A CAB! YES, I NEED TO GO TO DA' HOSPITAL! UH HUH YEAH, RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE OLD TOWN THEATRE! OK THANK YOU! *hands phone back* thank you, for letting me use your phone.
Corinne: No problem.
*about 10 minutes later*
Grizzled old lady: *walks in front door* Could I use your phone again? I need to call a ambulance.
Corinne:*slightly concerned/confused* umm yeah, is everything ok?
Grizzled old lady: *sounding completely fine* no, I'm pregnant and need to get to the hospital.
Corinne: *trying to calculate G.O.L's age (estimates around 80), and trying to figure the likelihood that she is ACTUALLY pregnant* ooookay, I guess just let me call 911 for you *dials* yes, hello my name is Corinne and I am at 1024 12th street.....yes a lady just walked in and asked me to call an ambulance for her...her emergency? Well, she said she is pregnant and needs an ambulance.....you know what, she is right here and coherant and everything why don't I let you talk to her.....*hands phone to G.O.L.*
Grizzled old lady: *loudly into phone* HELLO! YES, I AM PREGNANT AND HAVE BEEN OVER AT THE BUS STATION THROWING UP BLOOD AND I NEED TO GET TO THE HOSPITAL........YEAH....I AM 55.......YEAH WELL MY STOMACH HURTS REAL BAD.....YEAH *sirens in the background getting louder* OK, THEY HERE, BYE! *hands phone back*
Corinne: *sighing in relief*
Ambulance dudes:*getting out of ambulance and opening door to back*  Hey, so whats going on today.............
Grizzled old lady: *walks calmly over to ambulance and climbs in*
Ambulance dudes: *look confusedly towards Corinne*
Corinne: *shrugging shoulders and shaking head*
Ambulance dudes: *rolls eyes, drives off*

I will always wonder, several thing about that evening. Was G.O.L. REALLY pregnant?? was she REALLY 55?? Did ambulance dudes reward themselves with doughnuts after dropping G.O.L. at the hospital??

Ahhh people, can't live with them, can't help laughing when they do utterly ridiculous things!

BUT WAIT! There's more.........

       I have always been good at late nights. It's in my genes. Growing up the in the Shiver household, it was mandatory to have the ability to, as my Dad might say, "hang with the big dogs" which roughly translated means 'be able to stay up really, really, late WITHOUT coming across unpleasantly tired, or falling asleep in a seated position, and snoring, even though the rest of your group is still awake and having a good time. Robert frequently does just that, so my father has since proclaimed that Robert cannot, in fact, "hang with the big dogs". Having been conditioned all my life to do so however, I can.  I spent many a late night sitting with my dad in his studio listening to different music artists that span the genre's, critiquing and just enjoying the music, oldies and newer stuff alike

        This ability to handle late nights, has come quite, in handy the past few years since I had children.  The dreaded midnight feedings? Meh, not that big of a deal for me. I have learned the art of waking myself up enough to be aware of my baby while she is attached to me (Yes, I breastfeed. It is awesome. I feel awesome for doing it. I highly recommend it), and keep the atmosphere calm, and dimly lit enough that she will go right back to sleep when she is through.  I have found that the correct way for me to do this is NOT to turn my bedside light on, because this is too much light and will wake the little darling up, and she will want to talk, and play, and coo at me which, don't get me wrong, is fun and all, just not ideal at 3:30 a.m.  I have learned that if I turn the t.v. on and keep the volume level very, low and it will provide just enough light for me to see what I am doing and enough sound to keep me somewhat awake. 

          Because she has woken up at all different hours of the night, I am VERY knowledgeable of late night programming. For example, I have learned that after a certain time most cable channels quit playing their own programming and open up slots for infomercials.....which I LOVE! Over the last 3 1/2 months I have watched A LOT of infomercials. I am now, what you might call a connoisseur of late night infomercials, if you will. As a result, I have learned that most all infomercials fall  into one of three categories: 

•   1.) Food preparation tools, that are demonstrated by people who are REALLY, excited about a powerful little, blender/grill/toaster oven etc...            
•   2.) Work out programs that feature really, in shape, "real people" talking about  how 'out of shape and lazy they used to be before they started (insert workout program here)' and how now, after only 30/60/90 days they look like a greek adonis and, I can too! For only 3 EASY payments of $39.99!! (plus S&H...)
•  3.) Time Life, music collections, always hosted by a combination of an older music artist from the 70's or 80's and some random girl who ALWAYS has really, good hair.

The time life infomercials, for some reason always have the greatest draw for me. I think it must be all the 16 bar, clips of some of the 'GREATEST songs of all time!' I think I have seen the, "singer, songwriter's" collection at least 30 times, and the, "Easy 80's" at least 20. What can I say? I am drawn in by the "nostalgic sounds of Lionel Richie, Kenny Rogers, Starship, Hall and Oates, Nicolette Sheridan, America, Phil Collins, Gloria Estefan, Christopher Cross, The Bangles, Heart, Foreigner, and many more......"  I cannot get enough of these music infomercials!! Perhaps it is because listening to music late at night has been so engrained into my psyche.  I have frequently been tempted to just go ahead and call the stupid number and buy the c.d. set so I can finish listening to the songs that they dangle in front of my nose, 15 seconds at a time! I mean, come on, how cruel is it to start playing "nothing's gonna stop us now" just to cut it off, and start playing a short section of "groovy kind of love" which  I will also love and want to hear more of!? (side note: "Groovy kind of Love" is mine and Robert's 'song' and was our first dance at our wedding. True story)  

      My biggest concern about my potentially BUYING one of these terrific looking collections, is what will happen when I get them. I mean, they are advertising over 150 songs on 10 c.d.'s! When, am I going to have time to listen to all these fantastic songs......? And then I realize that I know EXACTLY what would happen with them; late some night, me and my dad, would be found sitting in his studio, with headphones on, listening to song after song, thus, perpetuating the cycle! 

I think I will continue to refrain from calling that 1-800 number, and perhaps try to get some sleep......